There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on


house shopping tomorrow. im terribly excited.
i miss you.

1 MINUTE AGO: talking to alvin

1 HOUR AGO: watching without a trace

1 DAY AGO: cramming my effing brains out

1 WEEK AGO: bawling my effing eyes out

1 YEAR AGO: contemplating certain aspects of S (no, not sam)

1 YEAR FROM NOW: writing about beautiful clothes (i hope)

1 WEEK FROM NOW: working on my research paper

1 DAY FROM NOW: studying for saturday's exam (god, can we say boring?)

1 HOUR FROM NOW: pretending to study but really doing something distracting like talking to lynn or something :)

1 MINUTE FROM NOW: umm probably still working on this

I HURT: when sammii gets hurt :( sad.

I LOVE: new things (i.e, i love shopping)

I HATE: feeling bitter

I FEAR: making the wrong decisions

I FEEL: like a little SATC marathon followed by a dozen oysters on lygon

I HIDE: how much i still care

I NEED: to have a little more faith

I THINK: tommorow will always be a better day

I MISS: melbourne

I BELIEVE: in fairies. i do, i do, i do :)

me and lynn could never really agree on what hell was like. sometimes it was the back breaking painting of the apartment, and at other times it was the perilous morning commute (spending a train ride pushed against the army of Mary Tans in their polyester shirt-pant ensembles is a peril in my book)

hell has taken on a new meaning.
an exam a piece for tuesday, wednesday, thursday and saturday. and hey, throw in a research paper outline on top of that, and an essay due the following tuesday why dont you. i mean, if you're gonna get wet, you might as well swim right?

but forget me.
i am tired. working from 7 in the morning to 2 the following morning doesn't quite cut it for me anymore i think.

ryan adams - wonderwall

my mom thought it would be funny to get me a birthday cake in the shape of a soccer ball. and it was. i think its her way of pretending im not another year older, and still very much that same little girl who scowled in all her pictures.

strangely, i almost feel like im eight again, when i harrassed my parents into getting me a ninja turtle cake (all the rage), only then bakeries hadn't yet figured out how to properly use cake colouring and my ninja turtle looked more like toxic turtle. but i digress.

i have never been too crazy about birthdays, but i remember spending a couple moments each year, reflecting on how things have changed, how i've changed.

this year i am thankful for my family (my tough-love father in his strange way of showing affection treated my car to a full maintainence service today) and my friends who let me know they care in spite of everything. i am fortunate and i hardly have the right to feel bitter about anything at all. who the hell am i to sit here and feel alone when i've got family and friends who'd love me to death if death didnt mean we'd be separated.

thank you all.
you've been most kind :)

for once in my life, i am happy to bury myself in work.
now i just need to work on the desensitizing part.


addendum@5am
dependancy is a downward spiral to destruction. i still cant decide if im for better or worse. maybe in time there wont be anything left. not even room for an apology. and then maybe...maybe then i'll be sorry.

basement jaxx - romeo